The Top 10 Things Young Survivors Probably Don't Want To Hear

OK gals...I found this and laughed my guts out!  It's just so true!  So here's a little something to brighten your day...

Love ya!

Erin

“The Top Ten Things that Young Survivors (Probably) Don’t Want to Hear”, by Marika Holmgren:


1) "You have a beautifully shaped head! In fact, you look GREAT bald!"

We know this is not true. We don't feel pretty. We don't want to stay bald. We want our hair back.

2) "Oh, you have breast cancer. My (aunt, grandmother, mother, sister, friend) died from breast cancer. But I'm so glad to see you're doing well."

I don't know how to say this politely, so I'll just say it: some of the people you say that to WILL die of breast cancer, even though they look great and are doing well. We want to hear the stories of long term survivors.

3) "Well, you're young, so at least you caught it early."

Folks, this is THE single biggest misconception out there, and it drives me nuts because I have to have the awkward conversation with people that in fact, my cancer was already quite far along and very aggressive. Cancer in young patients, pre-menopausal, is usually more aggressive than in older patients. Finally, your chances of getting a second cancer when you've been diagnosed young is much greater. So unfortunately, when you're talking to someone young who's been diagnosed, it's less likely that they caught it early, so just tread carefully.

4) (after treatment is complete) "So, you're cured now, right?"

Currently, there is no cure for cancer. I'll know I'm cured when I die of something else.

5) "Well, if you have to get cancer, breast cancer is the one to get.”

I totally get that this is said with good intentions, but it's like saying, "Well, if you had to lose a family member, a second cousin is the one to lose." It all sucks. It's all bad. We do not sit down and thank god or whomever that we "only" got breast cancer. At least I don't.

6) "Cancer is a gift. You really learn to appreciate what's important."

If cancer is a gift, can I return it please? A gift card would have been better.

[Note from LH: Or as Breast Cancer Action's executive director, Barbara Brenner, said in Help Me Live: 20 things people with cancer want you to know, “A gift is something you would give to someone.”]

7) "Isn't it great that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month? Think of all the awareness and money that's raised."

Perhaps if Target wasn't hawking pink rice cookers where a nickel goes to Komen (ok, I made that up, but it's possible), I wouldn't quite feel so nauseated at the site of all this cause marketing. Of course it's great that more money is going to fight the disease, but I do worry that companies are making LOTS of money off this disease.

8) "You'll get back to where you were before cancer."

This is a hard one, and this may be unique to me - I don't want to claim that this is universal. I know that people only mean well here, but the reality is that my body, is completely different than it was before cancer and before all the drastic treatment. I don't know that I'll get back to where I was, and frankly, I'd rather spend my energy making peace with where I am rather than spending all my time trying to get back to my pre-cancer self. Rather than push me to get back there, accept me as I am and help me love my new scarred, crazy body.

[Note from LH: Marika, you are not alone in feeling this way. As Lawrence LeShan said in my book, about people who say such things, “Do you have a golden telephone to God?!]

9) "I can relate. When I was pregnant, I (insert comment about body changes, bad sleep, nausea, hair changes)...."

I know that cancer seems to have a lot in common with pregnancy with all the nausea, hair changing, hormones, etc., and it's particularly tempting to make the comparison because that's what most of my peers are doing now - having babies, not getting cancer, but there's a pretty damn big difference. And again, I know you're just trying to connect, but it's a painful comparison (particularly since some of us, as a result of the disease and treatment, will not likely be able to have children).

10) "Cool! Free boob job. Lucky!"

Groan.

Thanks again to Marika Holmgren for this not brutally, but kindly honest list. Please forward – and add your own - to help all of us punched by cancer receive the support we need and our friends want to provide!

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Gotta share the laughter!

Let me share with you one of my more recent moments of embarrassing but funny experiences. I was bald from the chemo and ordered in a longer "Hair you Wear" wig that goes inside hats, I went and picked it up and was so excited about having hair, that I put the thing on with my beanie and headed into the mall to run some errands. I was walking around and feeling very glamourous well as glamourous as you can feel when in chemo, but after many cold weeks of no hair this was wonderful to feel almost normal, even pretty with my long flowing locks of wig hair. I soon notice people seemed to be looking at me, and I thought wow this must be some hair. I even remember the lady that rung me up for some shoes really staring longer than the norm at my hair. Well feeling very happy to have been so envied for my beautiful hair that I had been minus for way too long I practically skipped back to my car. When I was unlocking my car I saw to my horror my reflection in the window of my car...a giant and I mean 4 inch by 4 inch card was hanging next to my ear with big letters printed on it "HAIR YOU WEAR". Ha.I havent been back to the mall since. - Karie

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Advice from a Fish! Who knew!

I've been thinking about alot of things lately - but first and foremost has been the struggle that each of us face daily. We have so many choices to make - so many decisions that will affect our here and now and also our future. How we choose to react to life and how we choose to act will largely determine our happiness.

I know that some of our sisters are experiencing great difficulty with breast cancer issues or other personal issues right now. I'm experiencing some of those issues as well. To reconstruct or not to reconstruct? Are boobs really worth losing body function by removing my lats or abs to create them? What about the future? Will the cancer come back? Is the Tamoxifen worth taking considering the negative side effects?

In thinking about all of this and the other struggles that we face - I must say that I admire Dori on Finding Nemo. Many of you know that I've used her song "Just keep Swimming" as part of my motivation to keep going during chemo and surgeries. I enjoy her example for a few reasons.

First, she was willing to be a friend to everyone - sharks and all. She opened to heart to those around her irregardless of who they were and was willing to help Marlin even though she just barely met him. I feel that we also can reach out to those around us and just be a friend to those in need. Something I know we do now and will continue to do in the future. I have found that by opening my heart to others and sharing the talents I've been given - it is I who am rewarded far more by the love I receive in return than by what I give.

Second, Dori was able to hope for the best and make the best out of any situation. I like the scene when her and Marlin are trapped inside the whale. Marlins efforts to escape wore him out and frustrated him. Dori, on the other hand, chose to enjoy the situation and see the whale 'half full' instead of 'half empty'. Often times in life we are presented with challenges and trials. Although not easy -we can choose to see the positive in every situation - and laugh at the things we cannot change. Sometimes laughter is all that is needed to drive away the dark clouds that sometimes hang over us.

Third, Dori was able to forget the past. Now - I'm not recommending that we all go out and pursue 'short term memory loss'. I don't know about you but I think the chemo has already caused that in my brain. :) However, she enjoyed the present moment because she wasn't held down by feelings of guilt, remorse, or hate. As she said, "It's time to let go." When we are able to release the past - our present and future opens up to us in such bright ways that happiness can be ours. Change what you can change, apologize if needed, do everything you can and then - just let it go.

One of my favorite quotes that hangs on my kitchen wall states:

"In all of living have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."
- Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley

Dori to me symbolizes this statement. Although she endured her share of trials and aventures - she was able to enjoy life, laugh and have much fun.

It is my wish- that we as Young survivor sisters may do likewise and find the goodness and happiness that life has to offer. We all know that life has plenty of adversity. In fact, if you haven't been through adversity, where have you been?

But as Dori put so well:

"You know what you gotta do when life gets you down? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming! Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do we swim, swim."

(Does that sound kindof orcha-ish?)

All my love sisters!

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Quote of the Day...

Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you.
-Aldous Huxley

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How About a Little Laughter?

Laughter is Bubbly!


Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand...Mark Twain




One sunny afternoon about two or three months after I had finished chemotherapy and radiation, I was outside watching my husband, Walter, wash our car. I decided to help.


He really didn't want me to because I was still very weak and tired from the treatments for breast cancer, but being very persistent (translation: stubborn), I insisted. He finally agreed and brought a little stool for me to sit on and said I could wash the tires. I did this for a while, but it was very awkward sitting and scrubbing around the spokes in the wheel cover, so I stood up and leaned over.


My prosthesis popped out of my bra, fell in the soapy water and slid right under the car. We couldn't see it in all the bubbles, and Walter was afraid to move the car for fear of running over it. So I slid under the car and fumbled around and finally found it. Retrieval was difficult because it was so slippery in the soapy water, but I finally had it in hand and plopped it right back where it belonged, bubbles and all.


I've always wondered how many people witnessed that spectacle. You see, I forgot to mention that we live on the busiest street in our town.


We laugh a lot at our house--always have. Laughter is indeed the best medicine!
-Judy Averitt Hayes...Chicken Soup for the Breast Cancer Survivor's Soul.

Hope this gave you all a great laugh! I know when I read it, I laughed pretty hard! Keep laughing ladies!

Leave a comment and tell me what you think...(click on comments)
Erin

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